Today is father’s day. I’ve racked my brain to try and think to say everything I could that would be positive about the father of my child. I picked that man to be my son’s father. I picked the sheets out to make our bed, or home, our life. I searched through my old blog for the few pictures that I had of him.. ( http://youreokbaby.tumblr.com/) and I ended up reading everything I had written about. It gave me the same feeling that I had when I was writing about it. It almost embarrassed me, the way that I lashed out at him through that blog. While reading it, I was proud of how much I’ve grown as a woman, and it made me so sad at how it still feels as if he’s in the same exact place.. And instead of posting a picture of the 3 of us, I saw this picture. A picture of my newborn son.. with his father’s hand. I realized that this is how our life has always been, with him being out of the picture.. with a hand reaching in every now and then.. touching, and finding delight in a child he hasn’t contributed to.
But this is the man that I picked to be my child’s father.